Once upon a time there were 2 beautiful princesses and their names were Haley and Andrea. They had a wonderful castle with statues and water fountains. There 16th birthday was coming up so they wanted a huge birthday party. All the people in the land were going to be invited. This was going to be the best birthday party in history. Andrea was especially excited because she got to wear a pretty dress. The dress had blue sequence with some silver sparkles. Haley was happy too because she got to get a brand new car. This car would be red with black leather seats. I am sure everyone on there birthday is going to be too greedy.
The princesses didn't want to be like other girls and be rude. So they discussed a plan to not be greedy all day. Well it came time when everyone was arriving and it was a huge traffic jam because so many people were invited. Everyone was so excited to wish the princess happy birthday they all got out of their cars and walked to the castle. It looked like zombies because everyone was so hypnotized by the princesses beauty. The party was a success the princess and weren't even greedy one bit. They decided they were going to have a party like this again sometime soon because they had so much fun.
Very cute, but I'm wondering what the princesses did so as not to be greedy. You might want to add that component to the story so that it doesn't leave the reader wondering.It feels as though their actions to not being greedy is important to the story.
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